This article: How to recognize the ideal man is adapted from the book How to recognize the ideal man by Kum Eric Tso. Given that different people have different views on who is an ideal man or ideal husband, we will limit ourselves to God’s view on an ideal man.
What does the Bible truly teach?
This post is helpful to both men and women
You can become the ideal man if you want
Many men approach you everyday but:
how many of them have genuine intentions?
How many of them can be good husbands?
How many of them truly think beyond your body?
And how many women have let the ideal man pass them by simply because they did not recognize him from the many men that come their way?
The questions can go on and on. You need to be able to identify the ideal man from the crowd in order to experience a fruitful relationship or marriage.
This book will show you:
The top 7 indicators that point you to the ideal man and
2 laws you must obey to have a successful relationship.
Many women actually suffer by falling into the hands of what I call vampire men, who do nothing but suck life out of them.
This book: ‘How to recognize the ideal man‘ is written to save many unmarried women from having more heartbreaks, delay in marital destiny, broken marriages, vampire men, playboys, opportunists and many woes that come with choosing the wrong man for a life partner.
TWO LAWS YOU MUST OBEY IN ORDER TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP
LAW #1: THE LAW OF TWO (AGREEMENT)
The law of two states that two cannot walk together unless they agree:
‘‘Can two walk together without agreeing to meet?’’
The law of two is very crucial as far as any relationship is concerned. It determines whether the relationship will work or fail. In order to have a successful relationship, you need someone who believes in you; someone who believes in your aspirations, your dreams – whatever you want to achieve.
Marriage is not about two people looking at each other but two people looking in the same direction. Marriages that are built exclusively on love per say – that is mutual affection and romantic attraction are more likely to fail than those built on love and agreement or mutual understanding.
Understand that you don’t just need someone who loves you or claims to do so in order to have a successful relationship but someone who complements and completes you – someone who understands your weaknesses and helps you to improve on your strengths.
If a relationship only causes you to lose value instead of gaining, then it’s not worth it. I don’t believe the saying that: ‘behind every successful man, there is a woman.’ I think it should be: ‘beside every successful man, there’s a woman.’
That’s why I don’t like when people tell me they are behind me when I’m embarking on a project or any investment. The reason is simple; you don’t know what they are doing behind you.
Many people have told me they are behind me and just when I need them most they disappoint me. Such is the case with a relationship. The two should actually function like business partners to ensure that their business (I mean relationship) is a success.
I also believe you don’t fall in love, but grow in love. This is how it’s supposed to be: two people progressively knowing each other from just being casual acquaintances to mutually bonding.
It’s actually a process – a development process that takes a lot of character testing, acceptance and approval. It takes the heart to meet the right person but takes the mind to blend with that person without giving up and make it work. A good heart with a bad head (mind) will only screw things up.
If a guy marries a girl just because she looks sexy then that marriage is a possible accident on the way. Sexiness is not exclusive to anyone but mental capacity and a virtues character is exclusive to some people. Any man will love to have a lady who is talking some sense to him by the time she is not ministering to him with their body.
If you think you have great hips, gorgeous breasts, a fine butt, a charming face and whatever you suppose you have without character; then just know that several other ladies out there look even better.
Hence, if your physical attributes constitute the only reason a guy comes to you, then prepare for a shock. Men who are easily thrilled by a lady’s physical beauty are never stable. Their appetite for such women grows increasingly and when they are done sucking life out of their victims or ‘getting what they want’ as it’s often said, they simply look elsewhere for better experiences.
And of course, there are always more victims out there. These are vampire men. Chapter two of this book will show you how you can recognize the ideal man in the mist of vampires.
Note that spouses that mutually understand each other, prefer each other over everyone and everything else, seek each other’s good and are tightly held together by an indivisible bond of love.
A successful relationship is determined by two factors: capacity and character. Your physical attributes (who are physically and what you are capable of) stand for capacity while your inner nature, your true self is your character. Capacity is the initiator or contractor while character is the sustainer.
Many people actually know and have what it takes to initiate or contract a relationship but very few people actually know how to sustain a relationship.
Character is very important in a relationship. Getting married to someone is like making an omelette; if one of the two eggs is bad then the omelette is certainly going to be bad, no matter how good the good egg is. Bonding with the wrong man will only result in disaster.
That is why chapter two of this book is designed to help you choose that one special man from the many out there.
Food for thought:
‘‘Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.’’
LAW #2: THE LAW OF RECOGNITION
The law of recognition states that anything unrecognized will not benefit you. What does that mean as far as relationship is concerned? Your inability to recognize the right partner will only culminate in relationship failure.
It’s either you suffer by enduring with the wrong guy on a futile journey that will only result in creating painful experiences or you keep opening the door of your heart to pests in the name of love.
Let’s see the good side: your ability to recognize the right man will save you a whole lot of troubles. Right application of the Law of Recognition will give you access to several benefits:
Your ability to recognize the ideal man or your divine husband is a short cut to a happy life.
It reduces costly relationship errors that could affect you negatively for the rest of your life.
It saves you the pain of having someone who doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t really care about you.
It helps you to easily fulfill your goals, achieve success and live a fulfilled life.
It gives you a sense of belonging and completeness.
The ideal man loves you unconditionally, understands your weaknesses, protects you (not punch you); takes care of you and so on and so forth.
The benefits of being in a relationship with the ideal man are innumerable, but how do you recognize this wonderful guy? That brings us to the next chapter.
THE TOP 7 INDICATORS THAT POINT YOU TO THE IDEAL MAN
INDICATOR #1: THE LAW OF PLACE
Where you are matters as much as what you are. Are you where God wants you to be? God would certainly place the ideal man where he wants you to be. You don’t belong everywhere; you belong somewhere. God created places before creating people.
Go where you are celebrated and not where you are tolerated (Mike Murdock). Everyone God sends, he specifies the location where He would use them.
God created everything to fit in perfectly complementing and completing one another. You are created to complete or complement someone. This is vice versa for the ideal man. Ideal men are often found in the middle of their assignment passionately doing what they were born to do in the place where God has positioned them.
You can’t find the ideal man in the wrong place. What you are passionate about or destined to do can point you to where the ideal man is.
Like Ruth in the Bible, you might encounter some tough experiences on the way before getting to where God wants you to be. And like Jacob, the ideal man may have to encounter Leah before finally meeting his Rachel.
Knowing where God wants you to be and staying planted there long enough to bear fruits is not always that easy. Learn to walk pass the side attractions; overlook the sign posts to your destination. Don’t pack in the wrong place because of some temporary pleasure or distractions.
Don’t equally stop where you were hurt, cheated and betrayed. Walk pass your past. Go to your place of assignment and remain expectant. Be open to start all over! Keep on keeping on! Many focus so much on searching the ideal man that they actually find themselves in the wrong places, distant from him.
A successful marriage or relationship is not based on feelings but on mutual understanding. The more things you have in common, the more you would likely speak the same mind; understand each other, celebrate one another’s successes, accommodate and bear with each other in all circumstances. Remember Amos 3:3 says two cannot walk together unless they agree.
When you are where God has placed you, you don’t talk of fear or failure but peace, blessing, prosperity like Ruth. You are positive. You don’t let the past get between you and the ideal man. You see every reason to keep going.
Ruth’s mother-in-law could not distract or stop her from following her to where the ideal man was. She walked pass her painful lost and the reward of her persistence on going where God wanted her to be was golden. She found Boaz, the ideal man despite the experience of her husband’s painful death. She was willing to maintain good character despite the sorrowful past.
It doesn’t matter where you are coming from or what you’ve been through; be it a divorce, a broken or complicated relationship, there is hope for you. There is still reason to be kind to people, to be cheerful, to do good, to live life. Not every guy is like the one who hurt you in the past. Amidst the bad guys lies the good guy. This is very true in the story of Ruth as recorded in Ruth 4:1-12
The law of place is so crucial as far as recognizing the ideal man is concerned. You have to be where he is in the first place in order to recognize him. Throughout the Bible, women recognized their ideal men in the place of their assignment.
Ruth intentionally went to the field where Boaz was working with his servants so that she might find grace in his sight and ended up becoming his wife. Rachel recognized Jacob in the place of his assignment taking care of sheep. Jethro’s daughter recognized Moses in the place of his assignment where he was taking care of her father’s sheep.
Abraham’s servant recognized Rebecca as Isaac’s destined wife in her place of assignment in her father’s house.
‘‘Your Assignment Is Geographical.
The Assignment of Ruth took her to Bethlehem. The Assignment of Joseph brought him to Egypt. The Assignment of Jesus brought Him to the cross. You belong somewhere. Somebody is waiting for you there.
When You Are Where You’ve Been Assigned, The Right People Will See You.
When The Right People See You, Favor Flows.
Where You Are Matters As Much As What You Are.
Where You Are Will Determine What Grows Within You, Weeds Or Flowers, Weaknesses Or Strengths.’’
INDICATOR #2: THE IDEAL MAN HAS THE FEAR OF GOD
To have the fear of God simply means to have reverence for God. The fear of God is very crucial as far as recognizing the ideal man is concerned. The ideal man is spirituality minded. He loves God and has the desire to live a righteous life.
Those who have the fear of God are wise. Proverbs 1:7 says: ‘‘The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.’’ No woman in her right senses loves to spend the rest of her life with a fool. A fool will cheat on his wife, maltreat her, live a reckless life and so on but a wise man will cherish her. Those who have the fear of God value human life in general. They know how to recognize and accept the difference in people.
A wise man will relate with his spouse according to knowledge; bearing her weaknesses, strengthening and completing her every step of the way.
‘‘Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.’’
1 Peter 3:7
Any relationship built outside the fear of God has no certain future; it barely stands on chance and can fall apart at any time. Nothing makes people to be mutually committed and faithful to one another than the fact that they share a common faith. That is why marriage is so sacred in certain religious communities. Words like divorce have no place in such areas. This is what the Bible says in Ephesians 5:21-33:
‘‘Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.’’
Remember that the first institution established by God in the Bible (Genesis 2:18) is marriage and He clearly shows us who the ideal man is. For example, Adam was in God’s presence when Eve met him. Ideal men are men of worship. They love to worship God – to give glory to their creator. Such a man will teach his wife the ways of God and they will both raise their children in the fear of God.
The presence of God speaks of rest:
‘‘And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.’’
Rebecca was found at the well; Rachel was found at the well; and many other women in the Bible met the ideal man at the place of rest. The place of rest speaks of God’s house – the church. You are likely to find the ideal man in God’s presence – in the middle of his divine assignment, doing God’s will.
INDICATOR #3: THE IDEAL MAN IS ALONE (SINGLE)
‘‘ And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.’’
The Bible records that when Eve met Adam, he was alone. There was a void in him that needed to be filled. The problem many ladies are facing today is that they are getting involved with men who are not alone.
Some hang out with men who are in another relationship expecting that they would break off with the lady they are with. Well, the fact that a man is not alone is already a red light that says: ‘back off!’
An ideal man must be single. This is a major pointer to the ideal man. Anyone who approaches you with another lady in his life is far from being ideal. It’s as simple as that.
Whatever a man can do to one lady, he is capable of doing to another. If he is coming after you with someone in his life, then expect him to go after other ladies when he finally has you.
If he disappoints another in order to please you, expect to be disappointed when he soon finds your replacement.
Men who can’t stay in one relationship long enough for it to mature into something fruitful are often good at finding fault in their spouse and escaping responsibility.
An ideal man takes his time and makes sure he knows what he is doing before entering into any relationship. Once he is in, he takes upon himself to make it work even against all odds.
Any successful relationship out there must have gone through trials and temptations. Unfortunately, many do not endure the test long enough and so easily give up at the door of their testimony.
An ideal man never sees trying moments as an escape route to look for someone else. Ideal men are not desperate! They are cautious. Opportunists look for every loophole in their spouse and capitalize on it. Opportunists will always paint their ex black and paint you white in order to have their way.
Run away from men who are not alone. Don’t allow them to fool you with their sweet talk. Refuse to be someone’s back-up plan. Refuse to sit on their reserve bench. Refuse to be cheap. Refuse to share your man with another. Go for the ideal man!
INDICATOR #4: APPRECIATION (THE LAW OF DECORATION)
‘‘And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’’
Adam carefully observed and named every single animal in the Garden of Eden but found known worthy to be his companion. The living creatures here stand for every other lady out there while the woman stands for that special one that was predestined to bond with Adam. When Adam saw her, he singled her out from the crowd and appreciated her.
The ideal man picks you out from the crowd. He knows exactly who he needs and when he finds that lone lady, he sticks to her. He appreciates her and can’t afford to let her go.
To appreciate equally means to decorate, to take care. The ideal man is willing to spend his money on you; to make you keep looking good for him. You are his treasure and he cherishes you to the point that he is willing to do anything to make sure you are always comfortable and good looking.
He knows your worth (appreciates you). He bothers more about your success than sex. He wants you to succeed in your career, academics, spiritual life or anything you aspire to achieve than he wants to sleep with you.
He is not just desperate to have you but truly concerned about your well being, so much that if you were to part ways, you’ll spend the rest of your life thinking about his caring and affectionate love.
Women need emotional and financial security. An ideal man provides for his spouse both in words and in action. Note that even the stingiest man on earth has one woman who eats his money stupidly.
Jesus said where your treasure is; there your heart will be also. Where a man spends most of his money determines where his heart truly is. Ideal men put the well being of their spouse or family first before any other thing.
INDICATOR #5: HE IS WORKING
‘‘And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the Lord God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground. But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.
And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.’’
Boys play around; men work. Men have no time to flirt and play around; their time is spent at work.
Foolish men waste time; average men spend time while ideal men invest time.
Time wasters are irresponsible while time investors are responsible and trustworthy.
Adam was working when Eve met him. The ideal man should be on his assignment when you meet him. He should be working.
An ideal man is truly a man! A true man works! He is a model in his family and community because of his handwork. This is what Apostle Paul says the believers in Thessalonica concerning work.
‘‘For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.’’
2 Thessalonians 3:7-10
An ideal man is not idle. He does not live an irresponsible life with debts here and there. Instead, with toils and labors he works day and night to make sure he is able to take care of himself and his family.
He is an example for everyone to emulate. The works of his hand stand out. He is not a trouble maker nor one that brings shame but one that brings honor.
He is not a burden to his spouse or others, he earns his own money genuinely.
He is responsibility and has a good character. He is a man, not a boy – there are 4o-year old boys. A man who would not do anything to earn his own living is not yet ready to be a man – he is a boy irrespective of his age.
Apostle Paul equally said in an epistle to Timothy that any man who cannot take care of his household is worse than an unbeliever:
‘‘But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.’’
1 Timothy 5:8
The ideal man should be able to provide for his spouse.
INDICATOR #6: HE IS PROTECTIVE
‘‘Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.’’
1 Peter 3:7
The ideal man is one that protects you, not punch you. The physical composition of man is designed to act as a shield for the woman. God created man with an abdomen bigger than the lower part of his body; he gave him big and strong muscles so that he can protect and defend his wife.
Weaker (the comparative form of the adjective weak) denotes the fact that the man is weak and the woman weaker. Hence, they both need divine help in order to live successful lives. That is why 1 Peter 3:7 shows how a man ought to behave towards his spouse so that their prayers are not hindered. In other words, offence done towards your spouse is the same as offence done towards God.
The term weaker does not necessarily mean helpless, inferior, without strength, impotent or feeble as many think but means delicate. A woman is as delicate as a precious vase that needs to be handled with care. She needs more attention.
The primary need of a woman is not sex as is the case with men but affection. She needs to be nurtured with choice words and affectionate care. A man’s primary need involves physical exercise which can be muscular and even violent at times while a woman needs tender care; gentle attention, mostly expressed through affectionate words.
‘‘And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.’’
The ideal man accepts your weaknesses (covers your nakedness) and protects you. He listens to you with keen attention and considers your opinion before any other person’s.
He controls his anger and is always logical when you are emotional. He chooses to be logical in order to do what is morally right even when his emotions suggest the contrary. He doesn’t flame up and take hasty decisions only to end up regretting later.
INDICATOR #7: HE IS READY TO SETTLE DOWN
‘‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.’’
An ideal man doesn’t just bond with you; he separates himself from his parents in order to cleave unto you. According to God’s design, marriage is not supposed to be the coming together of two families but the creation of a new family. The concept of two families has led to the collapse of many marriages simply because one partner is still attached to his biological family to the point that he or she never really invests in building his or her own family.
Any man who is still living with his parents or still under his parents influence is not yet a man. He is not ready for marriage – he is still a boy.
If a man is in the right place, has the fear of God, is single, appreciates you, is working, is protective and ready or willing to settle down, then that is the ideal man. An ideal man is one that wants to build a family. He doesn’t just want to have an adventure with you but is ready to settle down.
He wants to take you to the Mayor’s office and the altar to make you his own for life before man and God.
‘‘And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.’’
According to Jewish history, a man could only name what he owned. That is why in the Bible and beyond, demons do not want their names known or to be called by their names. Your ability to name a demon gives you control over that demon. If you can name it, then you own it.
This is why in Genesis chapter 3, the one who was called woman in chapter 2 is now called Eve after the ideal man Adam had officially married her.
‘‘Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.’’
1 Corinthians 7:1-4
In closing, always remember God’s ideal example of Adam and Eve. When Eve met Adam in Genesis chapter 2:
He was in God’s presence where he had received God’s Word (and taught her God’s ways) – a spirit-filled man.
He was alone – the ideal man is single.
He was working (cultivating the garden) – a responsible man.
He rejected every other creature God presented to him (he picked her out from the crowd) – he recognized her.
He appreciated or decorated her – he called her ‘‘bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh’’ (he took care of her) – he used his big muscles to protect her, not punch her.
He accepted her weaknesses (they were naked and not ashamed) – he looked beyond her body.
He named her Eve indicating a transition from a woman to a wife (he married her). He was ready to become a husband and not just a man.